Affected personally by what he feels is
a grossly unfair system, Huntsville's Mark Bitara knows nothing is
likely to change before his children are grown and out on their own.
Still, he's spending most of his waking moments trying to do something
for parents like him who may some day become relegated to what he calls
a "visitor" and a "wallet" in their children's lives.
"This is a very basic issue. Why reduce
a father to a visitor if that father is a good father, willing to be a
good parent and wants to be a part of that child or children's life?"
asks Bitara, the man who stands on the street corner by the Walker
County Courthouse with the sandwich-board signs that say, "Equal Custody
for Good Dads. We are not wallets nor visitors."
Good question. He and a few local parents who find themselves in similar
situations hope they get an answer Tuesday at a town hall meeting with
State Rep. Lois Kolkhorst.
Bitara has shared the story of his two
boys, his ex-wife and Walker County Court at Law Judge Barbara Hale with
the state lawmaker, but so far he's found little sympathy. According to
Bitara, Kolkhorst, who could not be reached for comment, believes Texas'
child custody laws are working fine.
"I contacted Ms. Kolkhorst and her opinion was, 'There's nothing wrong
with the system. The laws, the way they are written, are effective.' I
cannot take that as a good answer," Bitara explained late last week. "So
I met with her again during her town hall meeting held here in
Huntsville. I spoke up about the same issue and she remembered me. She
said I was very persistent this matter, and I am."
Bitara's persistence paid off. He was
first invited to Brenham for a face-to-face meeting with the state
representative, and now Kolkhorst is coming here for another town hall
meeting, this one designed to specifically address the child custody
issue.
"This is a political issue that politicians will not touch until they
see with their own eyes that this is in fact a problem affecting many,"
Bitara said. "I cannot predict how many will attend, I can only hope
that the room will be packed.
"What Ms. Kolkhorst obviously is
not aware of is that 80 percent of cases that go before the court when
it comes to custody are decided against the father. My case is a very
good example. I have never been declared to be unfit. It was not even an
issue, so my thinking is, and I'm sure noncustodial parents will agree,
if you cannot prove the other parent unfit there should be no deviation
from equal.
"I have to admit there are some mothers finding themselves in this
situation, but overwhelmingly it is the father. But for what reasons?"
Bitara said he'd understand if a court had proven him to be abusive,
negligent or on drugs. He insists he's none of those. He simply loves
his children and would like to share time with them equally with his
ex-wife.
Having both parents participating, Bitara feels, makes a tremendous
difference in a child's future.
"We want Ms. Kolkhorst to admit that there is a problem," he said, "and
that this problem is relating to a child's basic needs. We have all
these enrichment programs, but until we cure this very, very basic
problem, all of those expenditures that we make are useless.
"We have all these social problems - drug use, teen pregnancy and all
those related problems. I'm sure that many of those kids didn't have
fathers present. I'm sure of it. You don't have to spend money on
studies to show that, you see it everywhere. So why are our lawmakers
still taking the stand like Ms. Kolkhorst has taken, that there is no
change required?"
Bitara would like to see Texas follow the lead taken in Iowa,
Pennsylvania, Connecticut and California and move toward shared, or
equal, parenting.
"I'm aware that any change may not come soon enough for my children and
me," he said. "But I'm not just fighting for me. I'm fighting for
everybody now. Something is fundamentally wrong and somebody has to do
something. I'm doing this for the greater good.
"The whole system is just really flawed, and one has to be in the mess
to truly understand what Noncustodial parents complain about."
